May the force be with you

We are slowly making our way through the Star Wars movies and our whole family has become huge fans. We watched three with Anika and Jake. Then they started to get a bit less PG then we deemed appropriate. There was some significant fast forwarding in the last one they saw.

Jamie and I have continued our mission to view them all. Last weekend we finally finished the movie I’ve been dreading to watch, The Revenge of the Sith. The one where Anakin Skywalker makes his transformation to Darth Vader.

We watched this movie a week ago and I’m embarrassed to admit, knowing I sound totally dramatic, I’m still emotionally impacted by it. I knew it was going to be a rough one, but was not quite ready for my reaction. I’ve been trying to understand what pain points this movie hits so hard and I believe I’ve finally figured out. The story of Anakin Skywalker is every parents nightmare. It checks all the boxes of what we don’t want to happen to our child.

When we first meet Anakin he is an energetic, spirited, confident, intelligent, beyond his years gifted little boy. His natural talent and potential was incredible. Fast forward two movies. The last image of him, before being re-built into Darth Vader, is a young man laying flat on the ground. His legs gone while he is burning in flames with a look of pain, anger and hatred in his eyes. Left there to die by his mentor because there is no hope left for him. Heart wrenching.

As a parent one of my goals is to help my children discover their natural strengths and use these to help achieve their greatest potential. Anakin’s story highlights the exact opposite of this. It’s devastating to watch the downfall of this sweet little boy unfold and know this is not going to turn out well. To see the moments that contributed to his eventual destruction. To see all the situations where perhaps if they had gone different could have saved him. Maybe if he hadn’t done this, or gone there or seen this? Or this person wouldn’t have died? Maybe if just one thing would have happened different he would have been ok. The incredible successful “chosen one” he should have been. I think that’s one of the toughest things about being a parent. You want so badly to make the right decisions for your children and not screw it up.

The Sith Lord is every parents nightmare. He is the symbolic figure of all that we try so hard to protect our children from when they are little. We hope to give them the skills and teach them the lessons to be able to handle these people when we are no longer by their side, constantly guiding them in the right direction. To resist the temptations and false promises that these people quietly whisper in our children’s ears.

To have your child come so close to having the life of their dreams. A spouse they intensely love, a baby on the way, excelling at a career they always wanted. For them to have achieved this, only to have them manipulated and twisted to literally “turn to the dark side” is horrible.

Anakin was no angel and not simply an innocent victim in all this. He was arrogant, impatient and power hungry. He did horrible, unspeakable acts leading up to that final moment before he became Darth Vader. But even as we approached the end of the movie I couldn’t help but still see Anakin as a little boy on Tatooine. That little boy that left his mother too soon. The one that quickly lost the only father figure he ever knew in Qui Gon and was turned over to be trained by Obi Wan, someone much closer to a brother to him, not ready to take on the task of training this strong willed soul. I saw him as that teenager who watched his mother die in his arms after trying so hard to save her. The guilt of not being able to keep her from dying and the loss of losing her heavy in his heart.

As a mom (and maybe as a former school counselor also) I wonder if he had any sort of parental guidance at this point or in the few years before it, maybe he wouldn’t have been so easily coerced to commit these acts. If he wasn’t so desperately seeking scraps of father figure approval, would the Sith Lord might not have so easily manipulated him.

The one bit of hope for Anakin’s story is we know eventually he comes full circle a few movies later. When the moment comes in order to save his son’s life he chooses to defeat the Sith Lord, which of course also leads to his own quickly following death. His son knew all along “that there was still good in him” and had faith he would make this decision. Such an exaggerated example of how being a parent truly does force you to be a better person, even if you are Darth Vader, one of the most horrible villains that ever existed. Although still sad at the wasted potential that was Anakin Skywalker, I am happy to know in his final moments he found redemption and peace with his son.

I guess the thing I try to remember, although sad and terrifying, Anakin’s story is not the norm (and yes, I know also fictional, I’m aware I might have over thought this movie a tad bit) and that kids for the most part are resilient. All they really need from their parents is to grow up feeing loved and they will figure it out. They will grow up capable little human beings and become whatever they need to be. So “may the force be with you” Anika and Jacob. I’m confident you guys got this and without a doubt your stories will have a happy ending.