Tips for the Sudden Stay at Home Parent

In the past couple of weeks life has been turned upside down by the coronavirus for everyone. Among the many reasons, include the sudden school closures and transition to remote learning for students. Overnight families lives have drastically changed. Suddenly working parents have been thrust into the position of stay at home parents. While doing this many are expected to somehow still complete their full time jobs from home. It’s a whole lot of change for everyone.

When I first became a stay at home parent it took me some time to adjust to my new life. Parents right now haven’t been given that time to adjust and prepare. Many of them are also trying to figure out how to get their work done at the same time. I have some friends who normally somehow manage to simultaneously care for their child while working from home. No idea how they do it, but they make it work. I can’t make a phone call without one or both of my children screaming in the background. Trying to send a text message when my kids are around usually ends with one of the three of us crying.

The good thing is that we are in a time when people will have empathy for this situation. People are going to understand the screaming in the background. They are going to find it humorous and understand because there is a chance there is screaming in their background right now too. We are all in this together.

While I can’t provide much input on how to work from home while caring for kids, I can share some of the things that I’ve learned along the way these past five years about being a stay at home parent. Hopefully it can be modified in some way to help you with this sudden temporary position you have taken on.

Get everyone dressed and groomed first thing in the morning

Staying in pajamas is cool for the weekend but when I first became a stay at home mom I quickly realized doing it 7 days a week was not good for my mental health. Even when Anika was just wearing footie pajamas all the time I would still change her into different ones morning and night. For myself I may just be changing into yoga pants, but I didn’t sleep in them and there is something psychologically gratifying about that.

Create a loose routine for the day

I am in no way talking about a written down perfect schedule to follow exactly like a drill sergeant. Simply having a natural rhythm and flow to the day will keep everyone sane. Have meal times, for example; breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner be the anchors for the day. Create blocks of time around them. Example of ideas that would make up these blocks would be academic time, outside time, screen time, free play, clean up. Doing this makes the day caring for kids so much more manageable and enjoyable for everyone. Kid’s like a little routine. It makes them feel safe. Especially young kids that have no idea what time means, but they can understand a rhythm to the day. This predictably during an extremely unpredictable time is good for them. Let’s be honest it’s good for us too.

Incorporate them in your activities

Step away from the Pinterest. Not everything you do with them has to be perfectly planned out activities. My children love to help me cook. If presented correctly (wink wink) they love to help me clean too. Clean (not pick up their toys, there’s no fooling them there) You’re spending time with them and getting stuff done. Win win. One note about this though. It’s going to take much longer to get stuff done. It’s also not going to be perfect. If you can embrace these realities from the beginning and go with it this will work out well for you. Even Jimmy Fallon’s got his kids in on his work right now and people love it even more then his regular show.

Get them started and then quietly slip away.

If I can get an idea started, my kids imagination kicks in and they no longer even notice if I’m in the room with them anymore. For example we played grocery store today. I set up the “aisles” with some play food. Put out a play cash register, did a little shopping and the next thing I knew my son and daughter had taken over. They had some elaborate pretend play scenario created and I went and finished unloading the dishwasher. Taking 10 minutes to set up and get this scene started bought me a half an hour of time to get clean up done.

Try to keep the house picked up as you go.

I’m horrible at this one but I’m trying to do better. I think we all stay in a better mindset if the house is clean. Just like they do in school have kids tidy up whatever they are using before moving on to the next or have a couple of set times during the day when everyone stops what they are doing and does a quick clean up. Or don’t. I don’t know. I’m sure you have enough going on at this point that trying to keep your house clean as you go might send you over the edge. Do what works for you in this situation.

To relive boredom remove some toys

If your kids are telling you they are bored, have nothing to play with and are constantly seeking you out to help them find something to do, try this. When they go to sleep box or bag up a bunch of their toys and stick them in the closet. Then rearrange what’s left. I’m serious. It works. Sometimes when they have too much it’s overwhelming and they don’t know where to begin. Presenting toys in a new way and grouping different things together can get their imagination going. Move the legos to a different shelf or maybe put a couple of action figures right next to them along with just a few my little ponies and perhaps their imaginations will take over.

Do not underestimate the power of a game of hide and seek or an impromptu dance party

If things are going downhill quickly it never ceases to amaze me how quickly one of these two activities can complete shift the mood and the energy of our home. Just trust me. Try it.

Get them outside.

Even if just for ten minutes. Much like the dance party it is quick to turn everyone’s mood. They also tend to play solo much better outside.

Read, read, read and read some more.

Books have been my saving grace as a stay at home parent. When exhausted and checking the clock I know I can gather everyone up to snuggle on the couch and get through a stack of books. We all come out much better for it.

Screentime is ok.

If your kids watch some tv or go on an iPad it’s ok. What works for us is having set times so they know when it’s happening, otherwise they’d ask for it all day. During our current situation I’m trying to use screen time to enhance learning. For example we are making our way through our series of Berenstain Bears books. The kids love them and I do too. I found the Berenstain Bears show on youtube and we have watching the ones that match up with the books we have read so far. We also read the Wonderful Wizard of Oz and then watched the movie for our pizza and a movie night Friday. The kids loved seeing the words come to life. Anika’s remote learning plan from her school also includes her completing some online work with various apps. There is some great stuff out there.

For the most part I try and pick out the highest quality programming or app that the kids will watch, although I will give in and go for some less educational shows (ie Scooby Doo) over PBS kids sometimes too because let’s be honest, we all enjoy a little junk food tv sometimes.

Give yourself some grace.

This is temporary. You will go back to work. They will go back to school, resume learning and they are going to be ok academically. At the end of the day if you have fed them, read to them, talked with them and hugged them that’s all they really need.

Mindset is so important.

Try and see the positive in a hard situation. Enjoy this extra time you have been given with your children. Gretchen Rubin says, “The days are long but the years are short”. You have been given the gift of extra time with them, no matter what that time may look like. Soak it all in. Love them. Really see them. Create memories for them during this time. When they look back, instead of being scared of this crazy coronavirus time of their life, perhaps they can have happy memories. They can remember the time daddy rocked out to Disney Princess radio on Pandora with them or they looked for their mommy for ten minutes because she found the best hiding spot ever.

This is all temporary. This too shall pass. Have some wonderful memories made when it does.