Having two kids

Recently we took our two kids skiing for the first time. Jamie took on the role of the ski instructor and I watched and assisted as needed.

The kids did great on the slightly sloped magic carpet beginners area. After an hour Jamie took them to the tow rope that leads to a bigger hill. Once they made it to the top comedy ensued. Jamie would get Anika up on skis and hang on to her, keeping her from going down while trying at the same time to help Jake get up. One, two, or sometimes all three of them would fall down. Skis were tangled. Children ended up backward, upside down. This went on for about five minutes, much of which I got on video.

As I watched this scene unfold in front of me I realized I was witnessing what it felt like for the entire year after having Jacob. Those early days of transitioning from one to two children. Jamie’s outward physical struggle exactly replicated my internal struggle. The perfect image of my internal state and our life during that time. Trying to keep two children alive while teaching them to be kind humans and keep them happy and loved.

I laughed hard while I watched this scene and had this realization. For a split second, I considered walking up the hill and helping. But I didn’t. Jamie figured it out, the kids figured it out. Finally, everyone was upright and did an excellent job skiing down the hill. It was good for the three of them.

Now that Anika and Jacob are 3 and 6, things are different with two kids. My life doesn’t look like a constant hot mess mommy moment. Those moments are definitely still existent, but sprinkled throughout more sparingly. For the most part, having two has become easier than one. They genuinely like each other and their personalities are a good fit. Anika enjoys taking the lead in their relationship and Jake is fine with that.

This love for each other didn’t happen overnight and still comes with plenty of moments of anger and frustration. Having multiple children can be a constant back and forth between having your heart explode from the adorableness of their relationship and love for one another and having your head explode from the fighting and arguing. And it can all happen in the same minute.

There were years leading up to where we are now where I felt guilt, unease, and pure exhaustion. I missed being able to focus on Anika, as I had for those first three years. To listen to her intently. I missed our storytimes together. Where she would sit calmly on my lap and I didn’t spend the whole time chasing a 14-month-old as he ran wildly through the library.

I felt guilty for not being the mom I was before her brother was born. Guilt for not having the patience, energy, or empathy I use to. I felt guilty for feeling like I would never be that type of mom for Jacob.

There were many difficult moments those first two years having two kids, definitely mixed with wonderful moments, but they were there none the less.

But now, three years into this it has all worked out beautifully. I see daily how lucky these two are to have each other. Anika has grown so much in ways she wouldn’t have without a sibling and Jacob is so lucky to have another female in his life who loves him and takes care of him. He is also quick to help her as best as his 3-year-old self can. Whether it’s Jacob, our confident social butterfly, striking up a conversation to help ease Anika’s anxiety in social situations or Anika taking Jacob by the hand to go help him get dressed because he is scared to go upstairs in his room alone, they have each other’s backs. They are an adorable little team.

All of that mommy guilt I felt in the past has subsided. Anika, the little girl who use to ask for a little sister, said to me the other day, “I think it’s perfect when families have one boy and one girl”. The epitome of growing to love what you have. She also recently told us “she doesn’t remember life without her brother”.

The point of all this is for any moms who are about to make the transition to two or who are trudging through those first couple of years, it gets so much easier. And all of this hard work upfront is so so so incredibly worth it. I love this blog post if you are looking for additional confirmation of this. Also, the book Siblings Without Rivalry helped me so much.

I’m sure as they age there will be new things that develop in their relationship that we struggle with, but for now, we have hit a bit of a sweet spot with two kids and I’m thoroughly enjoying every second of it.