Finding Co-Workers as a Stay at Home Parent

When I left my job as a school counselor I left behind an incredibly supportive network of coworkers. People that helped me navigate not only through my career, but also my adult life. They provided daily encouragement and companionship.

I wanted this in my new career, someone to commiserate with. When I had a bad day at work my coworkers were there, to listen and validate my feelings. When I was having a great day, it was the same. They shared in my joy. Not having another adult to talk to as I took on this brand-new world, learning this very brand-new profession wasn’t working. I wanted someone to bounce ideas off of, to gain knowledge from, to compare notes with. I wanted some co-workers.

After the first couple of months doing this job alone, I knew I needed something different. I was the first of my friends to have children, and an only child (so no siblings with kids). I felt alienated. I wanted to talk with people who were going through what I was.

If you are a stay-at-home parent I cannot encourage you enough to get out there and find some coworkers. If you come from a family with siblings, or you have friends with children this might come easy for you, amazing. If you are like me and did not, you are going to have to work a little harder for it. Once I cracked the code and figured out where stay at home parents hung out, I found that making friends at this stage was easy. We are all eager to talk and have a shared interest that will immediately start any conversation.

Here’s some spots where you can find potential co workers…

The Library

This is the number one place to start. I officially decided not to return to my job when my daughter was 8 weeks old. I got off the phone with my boss and just sobbed. I was so happy to be staying home with her, but letting go of my old career and life was hard. I decide to get out of the house and head to the library to look for books on baby sleep. I had not once set foot in our town library pre-children and had no idea what to expect. We walked through the door of this dead silent facility and my daughter immediately started crying. Not just crying, we are talking full on wail.  I quickly turned to leave and the librarian at the front desk immediately stopped me. She said, “No, you don’t have to go. We don’t care if she’s crying. Babies cry. Please stay.”

This woman must have seen my dark circles and bloodshot eyes and knew what I was going through. She looked at me and her exact words were, “It’s so hard at first, isn’t it?” 

I just wanted to hug her. It was exactly what I needed to hear. She got it. I felt understood and heard. She talked with me for a bit and took me down to meet the children’s librarian who explained all the services the children’s department had for children and parents, including a baby storytime. My daughter and I attended the next one they had and found a wonderful supportive environment. Once a week for an hour I got out of the house and got to have a little bit of adult interaction. It was a start in the right direction.

Most libraries offer storytime, some even specific to babies and this is a perfect place to meet other parents and develop friendships with them. It’s a relaxed laid-back environment where your kids are most likely entertained by something for a little bit and you can talk to another adult for five minutes.

Community Centers

After my experience at the library, I knew I wanted more. Other stay at home parents were out there. I just needed to find them. I did some googling and found a community center a couple of towns over that offered a playgroup for babies aged 0-12 months. We went and it quickly became my favorite hour and a half of the week. The woman who facilitated the group was kind and warm and became a much-needed mentor for me during the time of my life. I learned so much about being a parent from her. Getting to be around other new parents who were going through the same exact thing I was, and having a break while the babies rolled around together on a big play mat was exactly what I needed. We swapped stories of that week’s struggles and triumphs. Common themes included but were not limited to; my baby slept for six hours in a row! My baby was up every hour on the hour! My baby rolled over for the first time. My baby got their first cold and I had to learn to use the snot sucker! My baby found their feet! I got the greatest deal on a new jogging stroller! There’s a children’s consignment sale this weekend! What type of swaddle do you like best? How do I put on this Moby wrap?

I had the chance to talk about topics that to anyone other than someone working the stay-at-home parent life would be banal and drool producing. But not to these people. These people got it and shared my passion for these subjects. They were living it each day and we shared in each other’s joy and excitement and exhaustion and burn out.  I was around other parents who were in the thick of it, doing the exact same thing I was and we understood each other and could empathize with each other’s experience like no one else could. It was magical.

I meet my first co-worker here. She started attending the group a couple of months after me and our daughters were about the same age. Soon we exchanged phone numbers. Our play dates started as occasional meet ups at a local children’s museum and then as we got to know each other became more regular, seeing each other at least once a week, sometimes more, and texts during the day for support. I had found my new coworker. My mommy friend. A person going through the exact same thing in life I was and someone who could truly relate and understand my day to day troubles.

Parent Groups in your Area

When my daughter had just turned a year old we moved to a new town and were told by many people about an incredible parent group. I found more details on their website and social media.  It was a nonprofit group designed to have weekly meetups for kids ages 0-5 (preschool age) and a dream come true for any stay at home parent. Not only did it provide us with free activities during the week, it provided us with a huge support network of other families that truly cared about each other and helped when they needed it. We made many new friends in this group, one in particular. I didn’t just meet her at this group though. I also saw her at Storytime at the library, and a neighbor brought her over to meet me, because she knew our girls were the same age. Pretty much the universe was hitting me over the head with a bat telling me, you will be friends with this woman. And the universe was right. I liked her from our first conversation. Our girls hit it off and shortly after that our husbands did too. They all quickly became an important part of our life.

I realize we were incredibly lucky to have had this parent group in our area but there are so many Facebook groups out there now, you might have one too. See if your area already has one devoted to stay at home parents with preschool aged children. If not, create one of these groups yourself.

Your Neighborhood

We lived in a neighborhood with barely any young children and were particularly excited when we heard a young couple with a child similar age to my daughter had moved in next door. I kept thinking I needed to go over and introduce myself and to bring them cookies or something. But I was shy and unconfident. What if they don’t like us? Or don’t want to be friends with us? It would be awkward.

This couple took care of that and one night about a week before she gave birth to their second child (coincidentally I was about a month away from giving birth to our second child too) they knocked on our door with a plate of brownies and the warmest smiles I’ve ever seen. They took the initiative to introduce themselves.

They quickly became like family and we frequently had play dates and get togethers. It was nice to have support like that, two houses away. Once when our whole family got the flu she dropped off a bag full of meals for us. Such a kind and supportive friend.

One thing in common these three ladies had was that they each treated my kids like they were their own and I did the same for them. When we were at a playground I knew they would have their eye on my kids too, keeping them safe as well as their own. I knew they would always pack extra of the snack they were bringing in case my child wanted one and I would do the same. It’s a beautiful feeling when you find this with another parent. It feels like how it was meant to be, how we are supposed to do this parenting thing and raise our kids. In tribes, with other adults who care and love for them too, before we all spread out and got so separated. We have to seek out a new support network now, it’s not just built in with our families like it used to be.

Playgrounds

Playgrounds are perfect for meeting other stay at home parents or a great place to meet up with new friends you are just getting to know. I’ve had many amazing conversations with other parents at playgrounds, even if I’ve never seen them again.

Target baby section

If you are in the baby section chances are you have a baby. So easy to start up a conversation based on what they are looking to purchase. Oh, you are going after the Elmo potty seat too? We’re also just starting potty training. Oh, you buy the 7th generation baby wipes? Those are also my favorite. Oh, your kid is addicted to puffs. Mine too. Bam friendship for life over shared love of baby finger food.

Between play dates with new friends, parent group meetups and library story times. Our days began to take shape and I was receiving the much-needed adult interaction I was looking for and my daughter got interaction with her peers. It was a win for both of us.