A Love Song for the Rest of us

Image by Photo Mix from Pixabay

The world is obsessed with Taylor Swift right now. Good luck putting on the radio without hearing one of her songs or scrolling any form of social media without getting an update on her latest relationship. And it’s with good reason. She is undoubtedly a phenomenal song writer and performer.  Her music has grown up with a generation of girls that have resonated with her life experiences. I’ll admit it, I’m fully invested in her relationship with Travis too.

But as I listened to love song after love song on the radio the other day, I couldn’t help but not feel seen. It’s not just Taylor to blame. Love songs seem to speak of two things. The first, the early stages of love, where the oxytocin is really flowing. It’s new and real shiny.  The second are the breakup love songs. People who have been wronged, talking about leaving and starting over when all that oxytocin has worn out.

But where are the love songs about the people who’ve been married for a while. Who have sinks full of dishes, LEGOS all over the floor and are entering middle age or beyond together?

I want a love song about what happens when you’ve happily traded Friday nights out for pizza and a movie night, find more joy in your husband cleaning the kitchen then bringing home flowers and see nothing more romantic than someone else making the bed. I want a song about that type of love.

I want a love song about people evolving as imperfect human beings together, allowing the other one to grow and change and forgiving each other when they fall short. The people who have the comfort of knowing someone has their back, but also the challenge of constant compromise with another human and just wanting them to get off it. When the shininess has worn off and the relationship is taking on more of a patina finish. Could you perhaps write those songs for us too Taylor Swift?

My husband and I will soon celebrate our 12-year wedding anniversary. My thoughts after 12 years of marriage is, I’m tired. Being married and being a wife is tiring. That’s a love song lyric right there, so romantic.

I’m a mother to two beautiful children that are my whole world. I cannot describe the love I feel for these two. Having them was the BEST thing I ever did. But being a mom also makes me tired. It’s tiring.

I’m a daughter and you guessed it; it’s tiring. I spent almost a year of my life in that “sandwich generation” role. I cared for my dad undergoing cancer treatment and surgery, while caring for young children at the same time and wow, that was tiring.

But at the end of the day no matter how tired I feel my heart is so full because I have all these humans in my life. I am so grateful I get to take care of them and that I have them to take care of me.

I’ve known my husband half my life and have had the opportunity to watch him grow up. He has channeled his quirks and succeeded in his career time and time again. He didn’t hesitate for one second when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and needed to move in with us while receiving treatment and he has been my partner in raising our two kids sharing the same vision for what their childhood and our family life should look like. Although he never fails to say the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time and his love language in no way intersects with mine, he is trying as a human to grow and learn. At the end of the day this guy for all his faults has my back and loves me and all my faults unconditionally and when it comes down to it, I think that’s all that marriage really is.

No, I do not love him the same as the day we got married. To be honest that was a pretty different love, a shallow river we were just splashing around in. This love now, this love has gone through weathering and erosion, this is a canyon. Good luck climbing out of this one. It’s been through the addition of two children, a miscarriage and my dad’s cancer diagnosis and treatment. This love has seen some stuff. This is the love Taylor Swift doesn’t write songs about…not yet anyway. We will have to wait and see how things go with Travis.

So, until then, although I’m no song writer, this is my version of a love song for all of us out there kayaking through our own love canyons too. Consider yourself seen. Now we just need a catchy song title and some Easter eggs to promote it.