I recently had a mom fail moment. My daughter does a class at a local Rec center. We had a busier then usual morning that involved us dropping our dog off at the vet and running multiple errands before arriving at the class. Upon pulling into the parking lot I remembered that she was suppose to wear her Halloween costume today. Oops. Wondering how Anika was going to handle it I casually mentioned that I forgot to bring her costume…and the tears started.
We walked into the Rec department and Anika saw all her little class friends in their costumes and the tears escalated.
I felt awful. My poor little girl was crying like her soul hurt. I know she was being dramatic but years as a middle school counselor taught me that this was a BIG deal to her. She was truthfully that upset. She doesn’t have the ability yet to separate things that are really devastating life moments and the ones that are not.
I tried to comfort her. I tried all the usual tricks. I tried the let’s make some lemonade tactic. Nothing worked.
Other moms around witnessing this situation, being able to empathize like no other could, quickly tried to help. One mom offered up multiple extra costumes that she had in her car. Another checked with the teacher who happened to have a bunch of extra costumes with her in the classroom. The teacher tried to lure her in with the promise of playing her favorite game. The grandmother of one mom provided her with a tissue. A different mom took my younger son to play with her daughter so I could focus on calming Anika down. I was certainly feeling the love in the situation.
Anika however was not. She continued to cry inconsolably and really got to the point where I could tell she wasn’t snapping out of it. I asked her if she wanted to go home and she said yes. I went to retrieve my son who was happily playing and definitely didn’t want to leave, which in turn started him crying. I walked out the door with two crying children feeling like a total mom failure.
We went home. I fed her lunch and thought about the situation. This is what I came up with.
I think these mom fails every now and then are a good thing. Let’s be honest. My daughter has it pretty good. Thankfully there aren’t a ton of opportunities for her to practice developing resilience, something that is so important to learn when she is young. In hindsight these mommy slip ups are probably beneficial. If she can learn to handle the disappointment of not having her Halloween costume like everyone else at age four, then she will hopefully develop the confidence in her abilities to cope with the loss of her first boyfriend breaking her heart when she is 16. Pain is part of life, the hits keep coming and keep getting harder and harder. This quote from Rocky Balboa ( I am a HUGE fan of the Rocky movies ) so beautifully sums it up for me.
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.”
~Rocky Balboa
Although I would prefer my four year olds life to forever be mostly sunshine and rainbows, I know that’s not realistic. I’m learning little by little I can let go of the mommy guilt and that it’s going to be ok, and even good for her if I have a few mommy fails every now and then.
